The seventh book is emerging less than a week away now. And I feel empty. Like a peace of me is moving on in life. I grew up on Harry Potter. I'm 20 and in college and still particpate in fandom and the like. Hell, I write stories and slash every chance I get.

I remember reading my friend's copy of the book by candlelight-during power outages- and my mom yelling at me. Oh the good old days. If Harry or someone I absolutely love dies, I feel like someone I knew died. Ugh. Bring on the Kleenex!

I'm exhausted. Strange.I've been tired my whole life. Working. Trying to get ahead. Right now, I'm trying to take it one day at a time. I'm too tired to plan and to make strategies. Life will get better. I have been through so much more than this before.

I need to lose weight, get my car, and get things for the dorm next year. And new clothes. Funny how I plan when I said I'm going with the flow...

I'm tired. This is why it doesn't make sense.

Te Amo,
Tikki

I just came to say "Goodbye Love." Love never stays how you want it to. It's forever changing because people get too tired to care. So I just say "Goodbye Love. Goodbye Love. Hello...diease...."

That's what my fortune said. Let Something Good Be Said. I think that it's a sign. Yep. Because I've been really down on myself lately. Like I'm not the greatest friend in the world. I don't mean to be. It's just that I'm only one person and I can't be there for everyone. And I have my own stuff going on at home. And my health isn't up to par and I really should go to the clinic and see why I'm getting so many headaches.

Well. Let Something Good Be Said.

I. Am. A. Good. Person.

There.

*Robin

So...my mom put my loan money in my account. So I can start to buy new clothes now so I won't have to use half my belt. Weight has just been dropping off my bones. Welcome to college, Robin! lol.

My mom was preaching to me this morning about not skipping my class. I don't understand why I have to go if the teacher is boring and he puts the information on the internet in the first place. And he doesn't take attendance! I went to Ratemyprofessor.com and I realized that yeah...it's easier if I do go to his class. So then I got worried about my grades, thinking that if my GPA isn't high enough, I will lose my scholarships.

I have a B+, C+, A-, and my literature class is a mystery. So I estimated that it was a B+ since I got an A on my paper. :) So...anyway...I have a 3.15 roughly right now. That's goood and I have more than a 3.0.

Next semester, no more morning classes!

My tummy aches. And I threw my lasagna away. I couldn't eat the rest of it. I want to go back to sleep but I will probably be groggy for my next class if I do. And I love! my literature class.

I need a job. But I have no transportation to get to the places. I could try the bus, but I'm just not good when it comes to transportation. I always get off on the wrong stops...

I think that's enough blogging for today. It's tiring me out. I need to go to the gym.

*Robin

Tell me you love me.

Tell me that it'd be okay.

Tell me I'm here for a reason.

Why can't I ever say no?

I gotta close tonight.

And these headaches are killing me.

And my brother broke my headphones on purpose. I hate how he's such a hyprocrite and think he's right most of the time (which is like almost everyday?)

*robin*

I don't know what is, but lately I've been having way too many headaches. Argh. It sucks a whole freaking lot.

I started my RoundRobinSlash community. Hopefully it'll be a smash. So far, only Madison has posted but it was really really good. I was thrown for a loop because it was so good and I didn't know what direction I wanted the story to go in.

Note to self:
Work days are Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun.
I can feel my feet hurting already.

Somehow I need to balance out my computer time. I'm going to have to still be in The_Journals for a while. I don't know if I'm going to quit. They specifically asked for me to play their Tyler. But it takes a lot to role play sometimes. Hmm.

Other note to self:
work on website and your stories. :) also put up an update page.

Well I'm off to go either lay down or eat cuz of this headache.

Later days.

I want to start a petition to make authors finish their stories when they're posted on the internet. That should be like...forced. It's such a shame that so many good stories have to go un finished. It makes me mad like whoa.

I had a weird ass Joshtin dream last night. And if I wasn't so pressed for time, I would tell you guys all about it. :)

Last time I'm up at night look at www.jc-source.net!

JC walked out of the bathroom, wet from the shower. Justin was laying on the bed, watching TV.

"What are you doing?" Jc asked, trying to make conversation.

"What does it look like?" The bite in his voice made it evident that he was still pissed.

"You're still mad?"

"Does it seem like it?" Sarcasm was added to the bitterness in his voice.

"Baby."

"No, shut up. I don't want to hear it."

Sighing, JC sat on the bed next to Justin. Reaching out, he touched his shoulder. Justin jerked away.

"Bastard," was whispered under Justin's voice.

"You know what? I'm tired of this shit. You wanna do it, we'll fucking do it."

JC flipped Justin onto his back. Quickly, JC peeled off Justin's shirt and unbuttoned his pants.

"What the hell?" Justin looked at him.

"You wanted it, so I'm going to do it, you big baby."

He caressed Justin in his boxers. He whispered something in his boyfriend's ear that made the back of the hairs on his neck tingle.

"You want that baby?"

"Damn right!" Justin shook his head, getting flustered.

"Good." JC grinned a little before kissing him along the neck.

TBC...

The brunette stood at the patio, staring at the horizon. Night was falling and still he didn't budge. His eyes teared and his brows furrowed as he fought not to lose control.

Justin slipped outside and stood next to his boyfriend. "Jc," was whispered with sadness.

Jc just blinked back tears and said not a word. Still he stared at the horizon.

He wanted to comfort him. To hold him. To kiss him. To do something. But he didn't dare.

"Why?" Jc whispered in agony.

"I don't know, babe."

"Why, Justin?" Clenching a fist, he hit the railing. "Dammit! Why did you leave me?"

"I didn't leave you. I'm right here."

"I had a feeling something was wrong. I knew it. But I didn't say anything. I didn't want you to say I was being over protective or just cautious."

"I wouldn't have-"

"But I didn't say anything," he gripped the rail so tightly that his kuckles whitened. "Now look what happened."

"I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have provoked you, J. I believed you when you said you didn't love her. I believed you."

"I know. But your anger-"

"My anger just got in the way. I pushed you away. It's all my fault, baby."

"Jace, no it's not. Don't say that."

"I know it is, Justin. Everyone thinks so but they never say anything." Tears slid down his face.

Reaching up to wipe them away, Justin stopped, remembering.

"It hurts so much."

"What does?"

"I didn't get a chance to say I love ou one last time. To say I'm sorry for being an asshole. To say goodbye one last time," Jc leaned over the railing, sobbing.

His own heart in pain, Justin reached out to touch Kc's houlder. And just as he feared, his hand went right through him.

Jc glanced over his shoulder. Seeing nothing, he turned towards the sky. "It's my fault you got into that car accident, Justin. And I have to live with that everyday. I ust hope...if you're in Heaven, you can hear me. I'm sorry. And I...I-um...love you."

"Baby-" Justin choked, wanting so badly to nuzzle him again.

Clearing his throat, Jc turned around and walked through Justin. Taking one last glance at the sky, JC walked into the house.

Justin stood there and sobbed.

Disclaimer: They ain't gay until they say...until then...only in my twisted mind. 100% dialoge

“It's cold.”
“I know, J.”
“Jace, man. It's really cold.”
“Shut up. I know.”
“Well, how about turning the heater on?”
“Heater's broken.”
“C?”
“What the hell do you want?”
“How can your heater be broken, man? Are you that much of a cheapskate that you won't call someone to come fix it?”
“No. Just lazy”
“Figures.”
“What's that suppose to mean?”
“Nothing.”
“J..”
“Hey. How did your...um date go?”
“Well, that was a surprising subject change.”
“Well...?”
“It was all right.”
“Just all right? C, did you see those eyes? Those lips and...C, that guy was hot!”
“Hot? Uh, Justin? Aren't you like...into girls?”
“I, u. Of course.”
“That's not very convincing....so how long have you known?”
“I'm not gay, man.”
“It's ok, you know.
“I'm not a fucking homo!”
“Uh...well, then.”
“C, wait. Don't go.”
“I'm not going anywhere. This is my house, remember?”
“Oh.”
“Stop following me.:
“C-”
“You're invading my bubble.”
“I'm sorry.”
“For what? For talking to a fucking homo?”
“C-”
“Or for being an asshole?”
“Five months.”
“What?”
“I've known for the last five months.:
“Justin! You-”
“Ouch!”
“I should hit you again! You knew for five months and you didn't tell me once? Why? You were the first person I told!”
“I was scared.”
“Of what? It's not like I would've hated you. Or your mom or even the rest of the guys!”
“It wasn't that.”
“Well, what, man?”
“Because I'm in love with my best friend.”
“Well, damn. Um, Chris?”
“No.”
“Joey?”
“no.”
“Uh...you just um...kissed me?”
“Yeah. You understand now?”
“Me?”
“Yes, I'm in love with an idiot.”
“Hey now. This idiot can kick your ass.”
“I was hoping it'd be more like fucking instead of kicking.”
“Well, it depends.”
“On what?”
“If you always kiss like that.”
“As a matter of fact I do.”
“Good.”
“Mmm. It's not so cold anymore.”

Fin.

 

                                                Friends only.